Do Our Words Really Matter?

“Word of the year” replaced “new year resolutions”

A long time ago, I gave up new year resolutions. When I stopped going to the gym after the first few weeks, or resorted to smoking again, the feeling of defeat followed guilt was assured. I don’t think I ever made a smart permanent life change through a new year resolution. In that little tweak, I allowed for more grace. On this early February morning, I am reflecting on the changes from some of my recent words of the year and was gobsmacked with epiphanies:

Nurture –

Being a good mother for Megan was important to me. Since my parents lacked compassion and emotional security in their childhoods, they could only parent me from what they knew. My young daughter was gifted with an imaginative and enthusiastic view of life, which challenged me often. Daily, actually. She was headstrong and I believed I had to control every little thing. Her father made promises that weren’t fulfilled, and a young child cannot understand beyond their maturity level. At times, she was often difficult to ‘like’ (she would have said the same about me) and I was a borderline manic mother most of her childhood. When “nurture” came to me, I realized I had been parroting the drill sergeant and Mommy Dearest roles. So, I made a pivot and committed to it. Today, our relationship is loving, safe, genuinely authentic, and in actuality, she nurtures me as frequently as I nurture her. The compounding effect between us is at a magnitude that is indescribable. I am grateful to embody the true meaning of nurturing.

Faith –

In my twenties, I desired a greater depth and breadth of faith as I compared myself to my perception of colleagues and friends. They seemed so much more convicted and certain of their relationship with Jesus, God, or some greater omniscient power supporting them. My family did not attend a church and friends’ parents seemed to place a lot of importance on belonging to one, so I felt like I was deprived of something important. So, I joined a church when my daughter started pre-K at their school and sat among beautiful stained glass windows listening to the words of the priest, but still feeling like an outsider as the rituals and sermons were carried out. Sitting under the stars pondering the purpose of this life, “I want to have stronger faith” was my daily prayer for a long, long time. Before my prayer was answered, there was yet another relationship with another violent alcoholic whom I hoped to save. But I was the one who needed saving. By the time I got away from him, the answer to my prayer appeared in my life as a cancer diagnosis. There were great gifts bundled in the diagnosis, but it took me three times to receive them. Then, from an initial state of desperation, my faith began to grow. Over subsequent decades, challenges continued to present themselves, fostering more opportunities to exercise faith - and it grew even more. Today, I am grateful for my faith, which is indeed strong and I understand that it comes from within me, not outside of me.

Service –

When I was first led to host gatherings with like-hearted people, I was eager to be able to support others along their self-realization paths. My partner’s influence contributed to the gatherings but also restricted further exploration around or beyond them. Due to the recent split of our relationship, my plans of continued gatherings also turned to dust. But, it was not his call to service, it was mine. I was in service, but with limitations – from him, but I also throttled myself to avoid making waves for him. But now, in this new space, I enjoy being of service in alignment with my highest truth, without any other influence and this fills my heart immensely. Any perceived restrictions I may have had have been lifted. Living my mission is what I desire most. When I serve, I am all-in: authentically with integrity. I am grateful to be of service in my authenticity.

Unconditional Love –

This was an evasive, fairy tale idealism that I was certain only existed in novels and movies. In my world, I was safe when certain criteria were met, and any acknowledgement of my efforts was interpreted by me as being loved. When we don’t feel wanted, we make ourselves feel needed. And I mistook filling needs for being loved. But, I did not feel satisfied and always yearned for “someone to love me just for me being me”. As recent as a couple years ago, I thought I had been experiencing a true unconditional love; but in the clarity of hindsight, it is obvious that I was only living another cycle of the same pattern as before, just more cleverly disguised. Traversing the murky depths of my own psyche through 2024, “love yourself” means something very different to me today than it did before. In this fifty-something year old body with a memory of youthfulness in the rearview mirror, it required a (mostly) unenjoyable exploration inside all the way to the core of my being. But I stayed with it and eventually, I touched gold. One can only be loved to the degree in which they love themselves unconditionally. In doing this for myself, the bar has been raised forevermore. I am grateful I discovered unconditional self-love. The one I was seeking to love me for just being me, WAS me.

Freedom –

I used to think that freedom meant I could go anywhere, do anything, without restrictions due to time, responsibilities, or money constraints. After a year of intending that freedom prevail in my world, I found myself unexpectedly and completely “free” last January. Surprisingly, “freedom” and “abandonment” are one and the same. Flip it one way, it’s abandonment, and the emotions of despair wash over you. Flip it the other way, a sense of endless possibilities waft into our awareness. I saw that both fear and faith required me to believe in something that has not happened yet. When faced with a decision, I opted for that which required me to have faith as opposed to reacting based on unpleasant memories from the past. Freedom, as it turns out, means that one is free from the limitations of one’s own mind. Free from old programs, unhealthy beliefs, trauma responses from past wounds, as well as healing and freeing oneself from debilitating guilt and shame. For me, freedom ultimately came in through forgiveness - and self-forgiveness. I am grateful that I have freed myself from the tyranny of my unhealed mind. It is easy for me to tap into the feeling of Freedom and embody it.

Prosperity –

For a time, the word was actually “abundance” and even though my intention carried with it a form of generosity, too, it seemed to hold an undertone of lack-mentality. Meaning, when I wanted abundance, it was apparent in the back of my mind that I was holding an awareness of not having it yet. In our business, the flow of finances followed with periods of stagnation or even restriction was unsettling. I desired the constant feeling of having plenty. “Prosperity” feels more like the natural rhythm of breathing. There is enough air available for me to inhale and exhale without any concern that there will be enough for me in the next breath, be that now, tomorrow, or next year. Mind you, one cannot inhale until they’ve exhaled. The used air cannot be renewed with the new until it has been expelled/returned to the atmosphere. This was my word for 2024. And from a position that appeared as though I had nothing, as it all had disintegrated and was gone with the wind, I discovered prosperity from a whole new angle. Every day there were friends and family graciously conveying their time, kindness, and generosity. All of my needs have been provided to me, and not in the way I had been programmed to believe was the "right way". In the (unanticipated) release of those beliefs as to how life should happen, I found an etheric stream of consciousness that has coalesced into a wondrous life, one day at a time. As I review the last 12 months, an analogy of the exhale appears to be most appropriate. As this realization came to me, I can also sense a new anticipation of what is coming to culmination - life will reveal new opportunities, new connections, and new experiences. All of which are mutually beneficial to everyone concerned, just as I desire. I have witnessed evidence of true prosperity in my life and I am grateful for this clarity.

Answered Prayers vs. Embodiment

While the intentions I held in those moments was to live in the fullness of each word’s meaning for the purpose of self-expansion, I was anticipating the comfortable, optimistic, attributes of each word. But a full comprehension and embodiment of their meanings may not have been realized had it been handed to me on a silver platter. It was only though challenging experiences where I really able to comprehend what was going on. And it is through the wisdom of contrast where we really understand the bigger picture.

We should choose our words with careful consideration when desiring change to come about. And rather than focusing only on the new stuff appearing here and now, we will remember that the trees leaves must fall before the new growth appears in the spring. And it is only after the exhale when the new can flow IN.

The diamond is a piece of coal that responded well to pressure.