The Dark Night of the Soul

One of the most important, and often most misunderstood, experiences on the spiritual path is what is commonly called the Dark Night of the Soul. Even the name can feel ominous. It carries a weight, a kind of dread, as if something has gone terribly wrong. But the truth is quieter, deeper, and far more meaningful than the fear we often attach to it.

The Dark Night of the Soul is not a punishment. It is not a failure. And it is not a sign that you’ve somehow fallen off the path.

It is an initiation.

There is no way to undergo a true spiritual awakening without passing through this territory. It is part of the false ego identity death. And just as there is no way to remove a thorn from flesh without pain, there is no way to move through a Dark Night without discomfort. What is possible, though, is to reduce unnecessary suffering and shorten the amount of time we remain stuck in the process.

I say this from experience. I have moved through multiple dark nights in my life, and one thing has become very clear to me: there are recognizable phases to this process. When we understand what is happening - when we stop fighting it, shaming it, or trying to outrun it - we stop adding extra layers of pain.

Before I talk about the first phase, what exactly is a Dark Night?.

What does it mean to have a Dark Night?

The phrase “Dark Night of the Soul” comes from the 16th-century mystic St. John of the Cross, who described it as a spiritual crisis in which the soul descends into darkness in order to be purified and reunited with God. Across traditions, this same experience shows up again and again. In Jungian psychology, it’s called an encounter with the shadow. In the biblical story of Jesus in the wilderness, it’s the meeting with the adversary. Different language, but the same terrain.

What all of these point to is this: there are parts of us that have stored pain, trauma, fear, and distorted beliefs that we could not fully integrate when they occurred. Either we were so young that we had no ability to process them, or the insult or injury was so grave, and they were pushed out of our conscious awareness to ensure survival. These are spaces in the energetic field of the body, yet the discomfort is actually symptomatic in parts of the body. And even with a lot of time having passed, they don’t just disappear. They sit and wait.

When they finally rise to the surface, it can feel like a breakdown - mentally, emotionally, and even physically. But what feels like a breakdown is actually a breakthrough in disguise.

I often think of the Dark Night as an energetic die-off where old, stagnant energies that no longer serve us are coming up to be released. The deep traumas. Painful memories. Limiting beliefs about who we are and what we were allowed to be. And, these energies must be felt in order to leave the matrix of the body system.

Just as the physical body eliminates toxins through uncomfortable processes such as fevers, sweating, nausea, or fatigue, our emotional and energetic bodies release toxicity through feeling. There is no other mechanism.

This is important enough to say plainly:
All pain must be felt out of the body.
There is no way around this.

Every uncomfortable feeling that arises during a Dark Night is surfacing because it is old stored energy that is ready to be healed and released. The only real difficulty lies in our tolerance for discomfort. Some of us have higher tolerance levels than others, but I’ve noticed that most will avoid discomfort at the first sign of unpleasantness. Caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, energy drinks and sedatives are common these days. But to properly prepare the body for release and restoration requires a sort of presence that is candid and raw.

Fortunately, tolerance can be cultivated. Practices that gently but consistently stretch our capacity like challenging physical movement, cold exposure, meditation, or deep stretching, can help build our ability to stay present with sensation. This capacity to remain with discomfort without collapsing, medicating, or escaping is one of the most essential skills for moving through a Dark Night.

The Shadow and the Pain Body

Jung understood that whenever we judged part of ourselves as unacceptable (i.e. what is too much, too messy, too painful), that part was exiled into what he called the shadow. Eckhart Tolle later referred to this accumulation as the pain body.

After all, the mind does not know reality directly. It only knows its interpretation of reality. When a painful emotional experience occurs, the mind records it as data. It remembers. It files it away in an etheric hard drive of that person. And when a similar situation arises later, it pulls that emotional response forward as a way of “protecting” us with a familiar response. This is what we call a trigger.

The problem is that the mind doesn’t realize it’s operating from old, distorted information. The body holds the records of past as a survival tool to predict any threats it may encounter in present day reality. The body emits a reaction to the trigger which erupts in the form of emotion. Now, the ego mind thinks it’s helping, when, in fact, it is only keeping us trapped in reactive loops. Over time, the pain body can grow so large that even ordinary life becomes difficult. Things as simple as driving, social interaction, or relationships feels charged and edgy or eruptive.

This is not because something is wrong with us. It’s because there are parts of us that have been waiting a very long time to be seen.

The Dark Night is not about fixing yourself. There has never been anything wrong with you. There are no wrong feelings. You did not choose how your nervous system responds to what happened to you. Trauma is what happens in the body as a result of what happened. You are simply the witness of those responses.

Feelings are messengers and the messages speak to us through emotions. They show us where perception has become misaligned with truth and when we meet them with love instead of resistance, they lead us home.

Phase One: The Descent

The first phase of the Dark Night is what I call the descent.

This phase often begins after a spiritual opening: after a taste of clarity, peace, or expanded awareness. A sound healing, a hands-on healing session, a physical detoxification, or the like gave you a peak into another paradigm. You touched something real. Something luminous. It was exhilarating, blissful, and heart-expanding.

And then, suddenly, it seems like everything in your life starts to unravel.

The mind may become overcrowded with negative thoughts. Emotions can feel heavy and persistent. Often, irritability, impatience, sadness, anxiety, or numbness set in. Relationships begin to feel strained or fall away. Work loses meaning. Old coping strategies stop working. You may feel apathetic, overwhelmed, or like you’re losing your grip.

A common thought during this phase is: I thought I was awakening - why does it feel like I’m going backward?

The answer is simple and unsettling: an old identity is dying.

The body is feeling uncertainty, unfamiliar sensations, and the mind determines that “something is wrong”. But know this: there must be a dismantling of the old to make room for the new.

The false self - the egoic structure built around survival and protection - cannot come with you into higher levels of consciousness. It must dissolve so something more truthful can emerge.

If you are in this phase, I want you to hear this clearly: this is normal. This is not a mistake. This is an initiation.

The light will return! But first, there is inner housekeeping to do.

Shadow work is not optional for those walking a sincere spiritual path. If you are genuinely seeking truth, wholeness, or union with the divine, you will move through periods like this. There is no light that does not require passing through darkness.

What feels like a descent is actually the shadow rising to meet your awareness. Your increased light is calling up what can no longer remain hidden. Every trigger, every emotional surge, every unraveling moment is pointing to something ready to be healed.

And it is the awareness to those things that heals.

When you are triggered, resist the urge to shame yourself for being “unconscious.” Instead, become present. Turn toward the sensation. Get curious. Ask the feeling what it is carrying.

Even if you cannot yet access the original memory or belief, healing can still occur. Feeling is healing. What you allow without resistance begins to release. The stronger the feeling, the greater the potential liberation.

Now, don’t fret because the ego will protest. It will whisper that this pain will last forever, that you won’t survive it, that there is no way out. Remember, it can only draw from what it has experienced in the past, and it has never experienced this degree of expansion that your body is undertaking now. What the ego-mind has never experienced will always be seen as a threat. And threats are to be feared. So those thoughts of desperation, doubting survivability, and hopelessness are not truths. They are fears. False Evidence Appearing Real.

When these high-velocity waves of emotion rise, let them move. Cry if you need to. Shake. Breathe. Scream. Whatever the body asks for. Because energy must move to release it.

And hey, those triggers are your catalysts, not your enemies. They are breadcrumbs leading you back to the lost fragments of your true self.

Truth is, the more you resist this phase, the longer and more painful it becomes. So don’t run. Don’t numb. Don’t spiritually bypass.

Look directly into the eye of the storm. Name what’s here and feel it fully. Forgive what arises. Love what you find. This takes as long as it takes, too. There is no way to rush or push. This is alchemy of the highest Light and it is in your best interest to have faith and trust the process.

Integration, Gratitude, and Rebirth

One of the most powerful shifts that happens during this work is learning how to love the part of you that hurts; albeit, without pretending that you enjoy the pain itself.

You can say something like, “I love my insecurity.”
That doesn’t mean you love feeling insecure. It means you are loving the part of you that feels insecure. You are no longer rejecting it. You are saying, “For whatever reason, this part of me learned insecurity. And now that I see it and feel it, I declare that it belongs. It is allowed.”

You can even tell your body, “It’s safe to feel insecurity here.” Those words matter more than we realize. This is one way to “close the circuit” from the initial wound. Words are powerful but the emotion that is conjured up by reassuring oneself that they are safe will impact the body to settle and allow healing through a sort of energetic restructuring.

The orientation here is the same one you would bring to a dear friend who is crying in shame. You wouldn’t lecture them. You wouldn’t try to fix them. You would sit with them. You would hold space. You would let them know they aren’t alone and that they are loved wholly and completely.

That is all these parts of you have ever wanted.

Integration and the Power of Gratitude

This phase - the encounter - is not about enduring pain. It’s about integration. Embodiment.

And if I had to offer the simplest shortcut I know for integrating the shadow in a way that actually works, it can be summed up in one word:

Gratitude.

Gratitude is not bypassing. It doesn’t mean pretending the pain was fine or harmless. It comes after you have felt what needed to be felt, and after you have offered love and forgiveness.

Then, quietly and honestly, you say: thank you.

Not “thank you for tormenting me.”
But thank you for revealing something unseen.
Thank you for showing me where I wasn’t loving myself.
Thank you for enlightening me in this lesson I could not have learned any other way.

To forgive the past does not mean it is erased. Nor does it imply an excuse. When we forgive, we can recognize the gift hidden inside it: the way it shaped you, strengthened you, and ultimately guided you home. To your self.

Gratitude is such a powerful healing force because it says: not only do I accept you - I am thankful you exist. There is no greater message of love than that.

Even the parts of us that hurt.
Even the parts that embarrass us.
Even the parts we’ve been ashamed of for decades.

They are all here to be loved. Unconditionally.

And understanding this - embodying it - is what carries you through the second stage.

Rebirth

Then comes the third phase.
The rebirth.

This is where the quiet magic reveals itself.

After the descent.
After the encounter.
After the underworld journey.

You begin to emerge changed. There is a sense that something is different, even though you may not be able to name it.

There may be a sudden sense of release, or a deep inner peace. A feeling of safety in your body that wasn’t there before - as if an internal conflict has finally ended. You might feel whole in a way you never have. Grateful, even, for what you endured. Free of bitterness. Free of resentment. A deep inhale that recognizes Freedom.

And something new begins to live in you. Begins to breathe through you.

This is not euphoria for its own sake. It is embodiment. A deeper level of light settling into the body. A truer sense of self stepping forward. A felt sense of union - with life, with God/Source/Universe, with what is really REAL.

Now you see, this was the initiation you were preparing for… this time.

Because odds are - yes - there will be others. Like the cycles of nature, seasons, and cosmic patterns, growth never stops. But gratefully, and gracefully, as you evolve, the shadows become subtler. Less dramatic. Less heavy. They require more awareness and discernment – and from your expanded state you are mastering this. In that way, there is less raw endurance. We relax into it. Surrendering to the inner teacher and allowing the next echelon to unfold unrestricted. The work continues, but it changes shape and flow in each subsequent orbit in our growth.

Do Not Rush

There is one final truth I want to speak plainly: This process cannot be rushed.

You do not get to decide when a phase begins or ends. A scheduled retreat or medicine journey will meet you exactly where you are, but make no mistake about it… you only get to notice where you are. And the more you try to hurry your healing, the deeper you tend to sink into the very thing you’re trying to escape.

So, to be integrous with one’s own inner wisdom remember:

Efficiency matters more than speed.
Presence matters more than progress.

Claiming healing too early is one of the most common - and most harmful - mistakes we make. When there’s an underlying agenda of “let me love this so I can finally be rid of it,” the psyche feels that. And that doesn’t feel like love.

Love is patient.
Love does not demand change.
Love allows.

So be gentle with yourself. There may be more stored energy inside you than you realized. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you are deep.

The moment you are willing to look at your pain with loving eyes, healing has already begun. And once it begins, it cannot be undone. There is no such thing as “ungrowth.” You can delay it - but you cannot reverse it. Once you know, you cannot un-know it either.

Why We Avoid the Dark Night

Most people spend their lives avoiding this work. For the great majority, they go along in their day-to-day lives reliving the same story as the day before. Largely unaware and unmotivated, they numb. They distract. They may overachieve. They might reach for substances, sex, status, money, spirituality itself - anything to avoid the quiet rumble inside. Even those who are eagerly pursuing spiritual practices for the purpose of achieving enlightenment can self-sabotage themselves in a sort of ego-hijacked spiritual bypass.

And so people often live fragmented lives. We carry unhealed wounds like ghosts in a haunted house, learning to tolerate the background hum of pain instead of addressing it. When the irritant becomes painful, we tell ourselves life is unfair, or meaningless, or broken. We deflect, judge, blame, and defend our stance so as to avoid taking responsibility for our own happiness.

All the while, something inside us is asking to be seen.

It will ask and ask again, louder each time. Then eventually, life will insist on our attention. One way or another. Those niggling ideas that are ignored get louder. When they are constantly dismissed, then become major inconveniences start occurring in your life. Not because “It” is cruel, but because it is benevolent.

Your soul wants to give you what you are asking for. But you cannot receive new gifts while your hands are clenched tight full of old burdens and memories.

So I say this with care and urgency: Please don’t wait for life to break you.

To be rigid and calloused will most certainly result in something breaking. Be soft. Be flexible.

Healing offers everything you are truly seeking. A heart at peace with itself is the greatest treasure there is. The kingdom of heaven is not somewhere else outside of you. It is within you.

This is my promise to you: when you bring what is hidden into the light, it saves you, and what remains buried will eventually consume you.

I know this to be true because I have navigated Dark Nights before and I am experiencing another at the time I am writing this. While I am not inclined to claim it gets easier each time, I can say that I trust the process and surrender with less resistance. “Less” is subjective, isn’t it? I think it is human nature to try to persevere and rise above discomfort and issues; we tend to want to push thru and maintain a status quo rather than acquiesce to an inconvenient moment of catalyzing growth. But truthfully, everything unfolds in divine timing and we cannot escape it.

That is what the Dark Night of the Soul really is.

A releasing of burdens.
A making of space.
So that more love, more light, more peace and your TRUTH can finally be embodied.