The Embodiment of Surrender

Pain is largely unavoidable, but suffering is a choice

When we identify the patterns that cycle through our lives, sufferings become visible and we are unable to keep those stories active anymore. The time comes when we finally allow life to show us and teach us a very important lesson.

Beginning to question “Is this who I really am?” loosens the grip of our own egoic way of holding ourselves together. It is merely the beginning of a moment of surrender, which can be scary. Just contemplate – what does letting go really mean? Will I be out of control? The purpose of our Ego is to protect us, and it continually reinforces its existence to self-preserve. To maintain some sense of control, we will subconsciously negotiate our lives to seemingly accommodate what we think we want and what we feel called to do to have more self-freedom. Eventually, we start to realize that freedom is not free – it requires a letting go of the life we’ve been holding on to and to admit what we are lying to ourselves about.

At a point, we move into a phase of acceptance. Accepting what is and what is not. Who we are, and who we are not. For example: I admit that I have an issue with a food/relationship/job but I fail to see the real truth in it. We admit where we are not pleased with various aspects of our life, like admitting that we are not living our true purpose. At this stage, we are willing to tell ourselves about our truth, but it is merely an acknowledgement without an immediate action to do anything about it. When we are in the stage of acceptance, it creates a sneaky pattern in the mind about what can be done about it.

Now, the deeper part of us knows everything – so this game of confusion that we play is actually ego’s strategy of avoidance. We play the game of acknowledging what we feel and we find ways to deal with it (food, medicating, technology, etc.) but we do not feel what we feel to the depths that it actually exists. As we move through this phase, we start letting those tactics go through these mind-games with ourselves. Then the moment comes when our self-talk finds us at an opening and we can no longer deny what is not working for us. Yet, we are confused about what will happen to the life we created and become fearful about what will happen. If we are successful, then we tell ourselves we can keep going and coasting because it is working – but we are no longer evolving in it. It is a crux point where we ask “what lies am I telling myself, what is the truth I’ve been unwilling to acknowledge, and/or what truth will actually set me free?” Even with these questions, we are still not surrendering yet.

Ask: What next level of my life requires the next level of me? After all, we tend to hold on to what we were. It is comfortable and familiar. The unknown is scary we don’t have a sense of control in new places, concepts, or direction. Ego wants to keep us safe, so it is a ruthless acceptance of these answers that creates the opening for deeper surrendering.

The next phase a lot of people often skip past is grieving. There is no authentic true surrender without grieving. It is the acknowledgment of the truth and the willingness to feel it and let it go.

Grieving is the portal to a true authentic surrender

Our culture today says that if we feel sad or negative, we are to do something to make ourselves feel better or to numb it. We are afraid to grieve because we think it will be too big, that it won’t end, and it will last forever. We have the false premise that if I don’t acknowledge the grief, then I don’t have to admit this person, job, life is really gone. Our failsafe Ego program assures us that we can move forward with a lesser knowing of what is gone in a manner that will make it easier to navigate.

The truth is, it is layers of grief that dissolve over time. When we are thinking about our feelings, we are thinking about getting rid of the grief. But it is best to ask the body how it needs to move through the sadness, the fear, or the grief. Notice where the feeling is located in the body. Literally you’re asking yourself “Where do I notice the emotion in my body?”. Just experience the sensation without the labels in the body. Working alone or with someone else, you can learn from the emotional energy and eventually, layers of the energy will diffuse and subside.

If we are truly surrendering – there is an actual death

When we move through stages in our life, there is always an end to one phase and we often fail to grieve what we are leaving. Maybe what we are moving towards is better somehow, but there was a segment of our existence tied up in that other space with a sense of purpose or a place of belonging.

Surrendering is the open-hearted acceptance of what is happening at an emotional level

A surrender is the open-hearted participation of the process of life. We jump into whatever is happening around us with a trust that it is all in our highest good. The ego-mind-identity personality cannot see how it will play out, but we trust. Surrender is trusting life and participating fully in life in each now moment. It is wise to acknowledge that we will use each experience for our soul’s expansion. Allow life to meet with us rather than us planning how life must transpire.

The Divine Intelligence that manages the cells of my body to allow life is the same Divine Intelligence that knows how to best lead me. Faith is a total trust to relax and stay open, all the while to also participate fully. In that participation, it is helpful if we can see that life has energy, a current, a flow. And in surrender, we become attuned to following the flow of life.

So is there a time to double down or to let it all go?

First of all, there is a fake surrender and a real surrender:

Fake: We’ve all done this – we say “I know I need to let this go, and let it go so what I really think I want will come back to me”, but in this example there is a part of you that is attached to a version of an outcome that is just a part of your current identity.

Real: We know that something needs to shift. It is honest, transparent, and it is scary. You know you have to let it go. You must follow the impulse without any future projection of what could happen, or what you hope will happen. It is a willingness to follow it without expectation (what we may expect will be a projection of the ego mind and it is a limitation of the infinite intelligence that is our birthright). We trust that life is trying to bless us beyond what we think we want.

How do we begin the process?

Move from goal setting to soul setting. When in a relaxed state, tune into the self and open to a deeper impulse. Set a goal that feels authentic. Go all in with the vision of what you feel is most true for your best joy. What lights you up? Follow the signs of your life’s daily experiences and make the next best feeling move. However, don’t attach to an outcome or the specific pathway or how you think it will look and manifest.

The evolutionary purpose of the real goal is not simply for the manifestation of a desired situation. It is who you are forced to evolve into during the journey that is the ultimate reward. This extends beyond the Ego’s capacity to understand the how’s and why’s. The unconditioned beingness that flows to us often does not make sense to the conscious mind. The mind will kick in and ask questions in an attempt to understand with earth-logic what is Divine Guidance – unexplainable eternal wisdom. When this happens, know that it is just a subconscious strategy to implement a sense of control. When you feel the nudging to move towards something that feels desired, you don’t have to know anything about what is coming or the results of it, you just follow the impulse without an attachment to the outcome. Life will continuously guide and reveal and provide to you what you need to attain your pleasurable, rewarding, exciting journey here in your body.

But what about when things do not work out?

This is when we trust that Grace is at play. We may ask, “what happened?” and at the moment, we cannot see the what or the why. In surrender, we trust that the thing I was trying so hard to move towards was not in the highest expression of my soul. Perhaps what I think I wanted was based on what others helped me decide it should be, but it was not in my unique essence and flow. Life will give us direction to correct our course. Forcing it to be so will likely lead to us feeling unfulfilled. So if things don’t happen the way we hoped – step back, be still, and ask “what is true, here?”. Is there anything that is more in alignment with my soul that needs to be expressed? Is there more to my unique soul-print? These are contemplative questions and the correct answers will always present themselves to us when we are in a state of trust and surrender.

This is part of how we learn to grow and evolve. Everything and everyone is our teacher. It has been said that the purpose of this life is for the evolution of our souls. When we expand behind the human mechanism of these bodies, we know that we are an expression of the infinite intelligence that we know as God, Source, Creator.

If we are able to ask “Is all of this happening for my evolution? How do I surrender to this now? Is there a lesson that is inherent in this situation?” then we can learn the lesson without getting lost in the situation. When it is learned, there is a key/lock that opens you to a new level of evolution.

Acknowledge the miraculous in our lives – through nature, relationships, observational moments, etc.

Finally, even though it seems like things haven’t worked out, be patient and cultivate gratitude for what is appreciated. Surrender to the sacred acknowledgment for what has happened for you. Be in a state of thankfulness for everything to the most minute detail you can discern.

To be here is a privilege. A gift.