The Unbecoming

The path to self-realization or self-awareness varies from person to person. It is common for seemingly random events to push us out of our comfort zone. After the fact, we often reminisce that we are stronger on the other side and soothe ourselves with words eluding to Divine intervention and a greater wisdom guiding the events we experience. Through these trying times, we recognize the blessing fairly quickly. But an unbecoming is quite different in its presentation. To unbecome is a process in which our way of life, our location, friends, family, beliefs, and even the desire to exist slowly unravels, disassembles, crumbles, evaporates, and there is nothing that you can do to stop it. Unbecoming exceeds any parameters we could imagine.

It began with my mother; a betrayal that is the core wound of many clients I have served over the years. Then a sister rejected me. Eventually a handful of friends had been removed from my circle of awareness. Then my father recoiled last year. As of the time of this writing, my spouse has left taking all of my beloved pets and the home in which we were to live out our golden years being grandparents to our granddaughters.

“I now release all that no longer serves me” is a powerful, powerful spell. Be mindful of the words spoken and your intention behind them. During both recent full solar eclipses, I relinquished family photographs, mementos, including generational ties that extended across lineages from my family. I did so with love and reverence through the element of fire. The intention being to call forth all of the truth of my soul's plan and purpose and to return to Source anything that was energetically tethering me to less than my full potential. The fire roared and whipped into a fury that surprised me as it singed the hair on my face and arms. Baptism by fire, one might say. Forged by fire, others may ponder.

From other blogs, some facets of my unbecoming have been shared. I now see that the anxiety I was feeling over the past couple of years was due to my own resistance in releasing what was not in my highest good. The signs from my guides could not have been any clearer - injuries included. The euphemism ‘pull the wool over your eyes’ is appropriate. We choose to look at – or not look at – what is most convenient, easy, comfortable, familiar and avoid that which extends beyond our comfort zone. However, in this hindsight, I am also aware of the state of being I was in at that moment in those times; although less than enjoyable, it was comfortable pattern and familiar. Divine timing is always working towards the highest echelon of our soul’s desires. Even in these life-shattering events, we desperately cling to the familiar, being ripped to shreds by the wild river that is trying to relocate us to more ease and flow. We cling to those rocky crevices rather than releasing our attachments and expectations and flowing with the God-force energy that is always based in love, for love.

In the dissolution of what I thought I was, I am shown just how far back the illusions began. The core wound of not being worthy stems from early, early childhood. Not worthy and not needed are one and the same. I figured out ways to make myself “be wanted” – by being in service to someone else. From the earliest days of being the designated salad maker, firewood stacker, lawn mower I mistook this attention or appreciation for the meaning of the word love. In hindsight, these things are so much clearer. But more-so, the deeper meaning of what this really encompasses drills deeply into my core. It isn’t enough to just know…

From this vantage point, I see that I have reached the deepest depths of the disintegration of the persona(s) that were in place for the past 57 years.

In my core identity, do I know who I am? Alcoholic, narcissistic, and codependent families are so enmeshed into one another and the stories that form their lives, that one’s identity is blurred from the other. Keeping the charade in place for the purpose of how the family presents to other people was the goal. At my core, who am I? What is my true identity? The one seeded from my birth… as it is my identity today. I just lost connection with it over the years.

The words “I am worthy, I am love, I am a child of God Source” are all true and I know this in the cells of my body. Then why would there be any other self-deprecating thoughts or distractions away from this? From the programs… that’s where. They began before I arrived and were continued by those who were unaware that they were false information. So if I revert my mind back to the earliest days of being in a state of pure happiness, I can begin again and retrace those qualities of myself that felt most aligned. In a child’s mind, so closely linked with Creator-energy, I had moments of being me – Janice – as I was meant to be.

Remember. I will remember. I will reveal these truths. I will alchemize the dis-eased beliefs. I will heal and then rise to better embody the full expression of who I came here to experience.

And then I will lead others, love others, and serve others from the wisdom of my own life.