Why Are Your Valued?

So what determines your value anyway?

There are as many ways to coach someone to achieve/succeed/win as there are personalities. Hundreds of books have been published with titles claiming to have the “how” figured out.

I’m breaking down this paradigm to reveal a truth: “How” is an outdated consciousness that says, “Your value stems from what you provide”. Observe that the one asking “how” is the voice of a doer.

For decades our culture was built on that idea. We were conditioned to believe love was earned through performance. Some of us believed that approval was tied to good grades, athletic ability, or approved behavior and we grew up believing when I do something right, then I receive love. The identity becomes wrapped around accomplishing, fixing, proving, and performing and by the time we reach adulthood, our performance IS our worthiness.

And if you look back to the 40s and 50s, life itself was generally framed that way: get a job, marry someone, stay with them forever, all of which forms the identity of who you are. Identity was built on roles and doing and not from allowing the inner spark that once inspired us to lead the way via our unique truth. We can speak to older couples who’ve stayed together for 60-70 years, and while many enjoy genuine deep companionship, they often admit they sacrificed their inner world, because the era taught them that identity was about duty, not emotional authenticity.

Throughout human history, civilizations have transformed dramatically during pivotal eras such as the Agricultural Revolution, the rise and fall of ancient empires, the Renaissance, the Industrial Revolution, etc. Just as every other era of time came to a close, we are in a similar conclusion of what could be called the Digital Expansion Age.

People are working 60+ hours a week and barely keeping up to the demands of survival and still believing they need more. The most painful part is that they believe the solution to addressing lack is to work even harder. That’s the old spell of I am what I do. But there’s no real spirit-driven momentum moving through that. It’s grind without guidance, effort without flow, & willpower without alignment.

The consciousness we’re in now is evolving and it already feels different. The “doer self” cannot survive today the way it once did. To me, it appears as though we are entering an Era of Human Reorientation.

So when the ego asks, “How do I build the business? How do I make the relationship work? How do I bridge the gap between what I don’t have and what I want to have?” it’s still operating from that old identity program that is believing it must effort its way into safety.

Ego is housed in our personality and it’s sole purpose is to keep the body alive as long as possible. Any decision stemming from ego-mind-identity is based on either fear or desire.

Almost every “how” is a trauma strategy in disguise

“I have to get the business perfect.”
“I have to make this work.”
“I have to get them to like me.”

In actuality, strategies stem from wounds that want to be healed.

Yes, trauma-created identities can strategize to achieve, but they don't create. They can hustle, but they can’t expand. They can push, but they aren't receiving. Not really, because of a self-governing mechanism called “fear” that limits them from expanding into their fullest potential.

The entrepreneurial revolution of the 80s was powered by this. “Use your pain to prove yourself” or, “Use being bullied to build your empire.” Achievement coaches still teach versions of this today like how to turn your wound into your fuel to conquer and transcend.

But the problem is: If your wound is the fuel, the wound must stay alive for the engine to run. Once you heal the wound, the strategy collapses. Why? Because it was built from a place of lack. From fear which was never the truth of who you are in the first place.

Paradigm Shift

Right now, a paradigm shift is happening around how we relate to receiving whether it’s abundance, opportunity, partnership, or visibility. The old egoic pattern says, “I have to push, sell, convince, and get as much as humanly possible.” But that line of thinking comes from a scarcity mindset, not from truth.

Whenever you feel like you have to hustle for someone’s approval or force a sale, it means the energy isn’t ready. Creation can’t move through you when you’re gripping from fear. The universe always mirrors your vibration, not your effort. When you are anchored in your unique, God-guided self (the authentic you that is unrepeatable) you naturally emit something miraculous. People feel the authenticity. You don’t have to pull, push, or chase. You become magnetic to that which you desire.

But, because we are human, the ego can still get caught in extremes. It believes abundance must look like an eight-figure business, a mansion, and an impressive lifestyle. The nervous system screams for “more, more, more,” as if the present moment isn’t enough. And yet Source is constantly whispering the opposite: You are enough now.

When you ignore that truth and declare you need far more than your soul actually requires, you create an energetic backlash. The pendulum swings erratically. You strain. You tighten. You cut yourself off from flow. It’s like going on a date with someone who has already decided you are the answer to their entire life! There’s no space for natural connection. That’s what it feels like to be money in the presence of someone who worships it. It becomes suffocating, distorted, and heavy.

Here’s the paradox:

When you make money bigger than Source, you lose both.
When you make Source bigger than money, you gain both.

Shift Your Thinking

Stop asking how. Start asking what is here now.

When someone tells me what they are feeling pressure to achieve, the next key question is “What happens if you don’t?”

And the answer most always stems from childhood conditioning that says:

“If I don’t, then I’ll be a failure like my mom/dad/teacher said.”
“If I don’t, I won’t be loved.”
“If I don’t, I’ll be abandoned, rejected, or invisible.”

When someone says, “I have to achieve/succeed/get an idea off the ground,” I ask them to drop into presence and feel what’s actually in their body in that moment. Most often, they can identify sensation somewhere like a tightness in the chest, a trace of fear in the stomach, or a lump in their throat.

What they want to label as a business strategy is actually their inner child grappling to feel safe.

Every trauma we carry created a strategy to prevent it from happening again. If a child was emotionally abandoned, the child may become a people-pleaser, fixer, caretaker, high-achiever, or empath who serves everyone but themselves. And then we grow up and call that “who I am.” It becomes a subconscious program, running covertly in the background, intended to ensure survival. example

But that is not who we are. It is who we became as a result of another generation’s idealism. Who we are is only found in our present moment.

When someone is guided into a moment of clarity of “what is here,” they can finally become the parent their inner child did not have. They meet the inner child who was terrified of being alienated from their most basic needs. Usually those are some variation of:
I’m scared to fail, I’m scared to not be enough, or I’m scared I won’t be loved if I don’t perform.

But this is the stage when real healing begins. Because the one who is terrified of failing simply did not know they were wholly loved even if they did fail.

Now, in the face of that fear here today, you affirm:
“You’re allowed to fail in my body”
“You’re allowed to be not enough here”

“You are safe, loved, and worthy 100% just as you are”

The moment that fear is allowed to be felt and really seen, it dissolves. Why? Because love doesn’t require perfection. Love is compassionate, all encompassing, and safe.

Core truth: You are already love

God/Source/Universe/Other People don’t love you because you built a seven-figure business or overcame an addiction or found the perfect relationship. Love is not something earned. It is what you are… your originate blueprint template from the Creator.

When you say, “I’ll feel loved when I hit the goal,” you are postponing your wholeness. When you stay in an environment where you are dismissed or emotionally abused, you are telling your nervous system, “I am not enough until something outside of me reassures me that I am worthy.” In choosing to remain in unhealthy settings, you are chasing dopamine moments instead of your highest embodiment.

But when you practice the awareness that you are love now - before anything changes around you – the stagnant energy you’ve been holding onto begins to fall away. Past traumas dissolve because they cannot coexist in the same vessel with complete presence.

Then, creation moves through you in ways the ego could never predict, plan, or orchestrate.

This is how the transformation of my own life is unfolding. To be clear, it is not by making a decision out of fear, obsessing over goals, strategizing, or forcing an outcome. It is happening because I reconnected with myself and called back my inner child & every other version of my previous selves. By learning to align, allow, and receive love without feeling the need to perform to earn it or justify it. And from that space, life creates through me… effortlessly, abundantly.

The child who endured trauma, betrayal, and abandonment is no longer the adult building my life anymore.

Presence is.

And presence never asks, “How do I make this happen?”. It simply asks, “What is here, now?” And from that place, everything true emerges.

Stop Chasing, Start Allowing

If your devotion is toward truth, meaning, toward what you actually are, then will be stunned at the magic that finds you. And if your devotion is toward money itself, well, you may get it temporarily… and just as quickly lose it. Life eventually will show you that you placed the external above your own essence.

This is why people who “make it big” often end up losing everything. Not as punishment, but as recalibration. Source removes what eclipses their connection to the truth of who they are; not as punishment, but in a Divine orchestration for their highest journey.

Redefining Abundance

Abundance is FREEDOM. Not numbers. Not status. Not accumulation. Just pure freedom.

Should the mind say, “I won’t be free until I have enough money,” then you trap yourself in a loop where money becomes the stand-in for safety. There are people with a hundred million dollars who still have a deep fear of losing it all. Scarcity mentality does not disappear with wealth. If scarcity is the subconscious program, it simply hides behind the mask of what is perceived to be wealth..

Real abundance begins when you can say: “I am freedom. I am connection. I am love.” Right here, without prerequisites.

Paradoxically, when you no longer need money to prove your freedom, you become the kind of person through which money can flow without fear or contraction.

Your Mind Can Only Measure the Loss, Not the Gain

Whenever you release something, be that an identity, a relationship, a job, an outcome, the only reason it feels painful is because the mind can calculate what you’re losing but cannot fathom what you’re making space for.

It clings to the known, even if it’s unpleasant. It grieves the familiar, albeit mediocrity. It cannot yet see the miracle coming toward you.

But every release creates a vacuum for something higher. Every letting go is actually a letting in. When you practice being receptive to what you truly are right now, you stop living from fear and begin living from expansion.

And that is where we can have an honest relationship with what is truly valuable.